Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Unknown

First off, HAPPY HALLOWEEN everyone!!!
This has to be one of my favorite holidays. Unfortunately because I'm stuck in this lame city until tomorrow there has been no opportunities to find any awesome Halloween parties. Which is so sad because dressing up will never get old for me. Anyway if I end up staying in SJ for a few years (most likely) there will be many more opportunities for good times to come.

Now on to a more serious
Not good.
I'm horrible!
I completely suck at being consistent!
Honestly though, trying to be consistent while in the hectic situation I'm in right now, is extremely hard!
Packing, studying, stressing, parents freaking out, etc.
It's hard to keep anything in control! I can't even think straight for more than a minute. It hurts my brain!
I don't think the situation will really calm down until December, but beginning tomorrow everything will slowly start to come together, and I might be able to have a semi-normal life of a college student, while working full time.
Because tomorrow I move to SJ.
Which I am very excited for, as well as so nervous, I could puke.
Sometimes I wish I would, if only to make the feeling go away for good.
If it wasn't for HIM, that evil, un-caring person who shattered my heart, I would be all smiles, with no bad nerves whatsoever.
I try not to let him invade my thoughts, but my anger towards him always breaks through the walls I have built up to protect myself from thinking about him.
These thoughts have been no friend for my diet either.
My nerves, and anger, and sadness towards HIM, and my family, and this ugly financial situation we are in has only worsened the amount and type of food I have been eating.
Also we are very  poor, and there is not many choices, especially for a picky eater like me. It drives me crazy, and only makes me more frustrated!
So I end up eating the only things here I can, oatmeal, toast, hot chocolate, hot dogs (ew),  etc.
There is no fruit, no vegetables, nothing light and filling. Just junk that doesnt taste good and makes me feel like shit after eating it.
Unfortunately I can't be sure my diet will get any better in SJ. With no job, there is no money, which means my choices are limited to the person who has the money to buy the groceries. And that person would be my uncle, a bachelor with no idea what healthy means.
But soon I will have a job, and I will be able to buy my own groceries! I'll make sure of it!!
My goal is to have a job by mid November or sooner!
And even so with my poor choices of food to eat, I want to be 117 by mid November as well.
Right now I am stuck at 125 sometimes rising to 127 :(
not good. So let's make it happen!
I know I have a couple readers out there, so like I said before, I'd love some feedback. Tips, support, anything, okay? And I'll do the same for you.

Wish me luck!

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