Tuesday, March 19, 2013


Last night, unable to sleep, I sat cross-legged on the edge of the bed softly crying. Not too loud but loud enough to wake up my boyfriend trying to sleep next to me.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
All I can do is stare blankly and mutter, "I don't know...I don't know..."
My mind, what a fucked up place it is.
Beyond repair? Lately I'd say yes.

I feel as if I am nothing. I am just a waste of space. I want to shrink into the smallest form I can, until there is almost nothing left. I try, and I try, and I try, and in the end I always fail. It's a vicious cycle bound to repeat itself again and again over time. What is anything worth anymore when in the end I always fail?

I just want to feel beautiful and be happy and somewhat successful in my life. I really don't think that is too much to ask for. I just want change. I want it so badly I am making myself fail. I don't how to get past myself and my disabilities to get to that place I dream of. There is so many things that I let hold me back from being this successful, happy and beautiful person I want to be. They say anything is possible...but I don't know what to believe anymore.