Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Complications of Love and Life

The ability to love easily is my greatest strength and my biggest weakness.
How can I still love the one who threw me to the side when I needed him most. The one who never treated me the way I deserved. The one who now gives everything I wanted from him to another girl.
Why wasn't I enough to make him want to do those things for me? Why does she get from him what I couldn't? I know that I am better, I loved him more. I tried with all my might and power to make him want us and it was never enough! So what the hell makes her so special?! Can someone please explain this to me because I don't think I'll ever be able to understand this...and if I can't understand this I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get over this situation...over him. And that's not fair. It's not fair to me, and it's especially not fair to Sig. He loves me so much. He would be willing to give me pretty much anything I wanted or needed but even though I do love Sig, I still love the one who broke my heart. Sig doesn't deserve that. No one does. I am ashamed of myself so much sometimes I can't even let Sig touch me. I feel like the most horrible and deceiving person alive. I'm not sure what I want right now. My mind changes from day to day of what I want and what I should do. I feel as if I'm going to insane. The pain and stress that those thoughts cause me is almost enough to make me do something disastrous like opting out of this life. The pain is so great I don't know how else to let it go...to just make it go away once and for all. I'm so confused with life. Can't someone just tell me what to do, what's right, who I am supposed to be with???